Nudity is natural.

When I was a kid, I was the one in the corner after ballet class trying to get changed totally underneath my clothing. I was so insecure about my body and the way that I looked and so uncomfortable with being naked that I didn’t want anyone to see anything.

I was nervous in middle school and in high school to wear bikinis in the pool, I wasn’t comfortable with my own body so why would I want anyone else to look at it.

I went to college and wanted to be a photographer. I was more comfortable with other people expressing themselves and their sexuality through their wardrobe, and I understood that sex sells, especially when I started interning at Maxim Magazine.

But how could I comfortably photograph someone potentially nude, and sexual without being comfortable being nude by myself or with my own sexuality.

After I graduated and my internship ended I moved to South Korea for a year to teach English. This decision was so out of left field and my parents thought I was throwing away my dreams of being a photographer. But I learned so much that year living abroad, and in such an unlikely place.

South Koreans typically dress conservatively, especially in the professional world, but they are extremely comfortable with bodies. I would often hear stories from my other teacher friends that they went to the Korean bathhouse and ran into their students and their student’s families there. It was a concept that totally freaked me out, so I just didn’t go to the bath houses.

They even started getting a group of expat girls together for a ladies night, but I was so nervous to be seen naked even by friends. 

Until one weekend when Forest and I went away for the weekend to Busan and we decided to check out Spa Land. Most of Spa Land is co-ed. You can go sauna hopping together, but once you enter the baths, it’s split by the sexes.

It was my first time at the bathhouse alone, and I had no idea what to do. Women were walking around completely naked, some getting scrubbed by older women, others just hanging out around the big tubs. I mean I wasn’t not going to do it, it was just intimidating to be so naked and alone in this environment. I tried out a few tubs and finally got a bit more comfortable, I mean not only were the other women looking at me, but I was also looking at them. Then a woman came up to me and started up a conversation. So where are you from? Not really my idea of relaxing, but I was proud of myself for doing it. There was no shame here, it was a cultural and traditional activity and everyone was just natural.

Years later I wonder how that one ritual alone makes a huge difference in the way our culture sees nudity, not just sexuality. When I returned to Asia a few years later, I went with a friend in Taiwan to another bathhouse. I brought my bikini just in case, but as I suspected this natural bathhouse was au natural. I took a deep breath and reminded myself that everything was going to be fine. I had never been naked with this friend, but it was about to make us a lot closer. 

Stripping away the clothes and just hanging out together in the bath made me so nervous at first, I mean, my friend is gorgeous, which made me even more nervous, but it ended up being totally natural. We even had great conversations that we probably would have never had in any other setting. I felt like I instantly got closer with her and was more vulnerable with her in this experience. Funny enough, the next time we hung out and were going to another hot spring, I didn’t even bring a bikini, (although she failed to mention that this one was public and I would need one.) 

I didn’t realize how uncomfortable I was in my own skin, and even being naked around other women until my bathhouse experiences. It was something that ran so deep, it shaped my shopping decisions, and my self-esteem, and my confidence. But once I realized it, I wanted to change it. It’s something that has gotten easier with time and living in different places has really helped me see the differences in the cultures when it comes to bodies, and sex, and romance.

I feel like there are lessons here. Lessons to not be afraid of your naked self, embrace your body where it’s at, give yourself grace and love. And go get naked with your bestie at a bathhouse and see how powerful that raw naked bond can be. Because fuck what anyone else thinks.

Have you ever gotten naked and just hung out with a friend? Tell me about it! Where were you? What did you do together? Did the experience bring you closer?